Tic Toc
I am simply anxious. Told Mike days ago that he should tell me his decision on Nov. 1 because Julee is going on vacation to CA in a few days. I want to let her know (well, myself too). Don't really know how I would react if the answer is negative. I know I won't give up. Knowing a month ahead of time (before final ticket purchase and etc. ) will buy me some time to continue to work him till he's completely stressed out and let me go. Forgot which book it was (Frances Maye's A Year in the World: Journeys of A Passionate Traveller? or maybe Rita Gelman's Tales of a Female Nomad: Living at Large in the World). One sentence struck me particularly as true. It is more or less saying travel is a selfish ordeal since where you go, you leave everything behind. Even if you go with a company, personal experiences are so distinctly different, you are just enjoying it yourself. Travel is essentially not sharable. I will go back and try to dig out the exact wording later. How did I ever get like this?
On the way to work, called him to say hi and refrained to ask. He just woke up. Then called him again out of the garage and asked. He was obviously annoyed. "Can you give me a break?" He said he would tell me today. It is killing me, the suspense. Anticipation is bitter sweet. If all things are known, then there is no exhilaration after long awaited agony. I've been known for possessing little patience. Last night, I went to gapadventures again and this time opened the slide show online for Egypt. Pictures always make things more real. I feel that I haven't wanted anything this bad for a while. It's such torment for me.
I wait.
On the way to work, called him to say hi and refrained to ask. He just woke up. Then called him again out of the garage and asked. He was obviously annoyed. "Can you give me a break?" He said he would tell me today. It is killing me, the suspense. Anticipation is bitter sweet. If all things are known, then there is no exhilaration after long awaited agony. I've been known for possessing little patience. Last night, I went to gapadventures again and this time opened the slide show online for Egypt. Pictures always make things more real. I feel that I haven't wanted anything this bad for a while. It's such torment for me.
I wait.
posted by Koshka at 11/01/2006
2 Comments:
Although the Count of Monte Cristo lied at the end of the book that the two most beautiful words of mankind were "wait and hope", I've helplessly believed him a million times, not because I really think wait and hope are so "beautiful", rather, I don't have much that I can do but only to hope for the best...oh, wait has brought me such a lot of agonies in the past and I do hate that feeling...but one reward I got is I learned to cherish what I got if that wait did turn to a beautiful thing looking back on it...I guess I am really a hopeless idiot now...:)
xiaolan, that's the difference between patience and impatience. I now always grab what's at hand. I get so passionate about some things it's a pure lack of self discipline. I seldom find the waiting process rewarding. What's rewarding to me is 'seize the moment'.
Post a Comment
<< Home